mehendi

Yesterday was the festival where women dress up in their really nice clothes, sometimes their bridal wear, and fast for the long lives of their husbands. Last year, I spent some time with Priya on this festival, and she surprised me by eating apples and sweets and other things while fasting. So this year, I was expecting Jaya to do the same, but she keeps a complete fast from sun up to sun down. She woke up around 4, did a pooja (special worship) and then had a big breakfast. She didn't have anything to eat or drink again until 5pm, after she did her second pooja and then had some milk. Around 8pm, she and her husband went to a special spot where the moon is showing, and they did the moon pooja, then had dinner. I didn't watch, but she and her husband told me that they take a flour sifter, hold it up to the moon, and then to the husband's face. When I asked what it meant, they said they weren't sure. (If you watched the Bollywood dance video several posts back, they celebrated this festival in the song)

On Sunday I went to Jaya's to get mehendi done. Her husband did a very sweet gesture, surprising her by hiring someone to come to the house to do it. Mehendi is henna. It's done for festivals and weddings, and is considered very beautiful, like jewelry. When I get it done, I am always so happy I live in South Asia because it's so fun to be a woman here at times like that! It goes on in a thick paste and hardens, and you have to let it stay on for awhile before letting the pieces fall off. When it comes off, the henna is light orange, but by the next day, it's a dark brown, and stays on for several days or weeks. Here is Jaya, her sister-in-law, and me showing off our mehendi. Between the white skin and almost 9 month pregnant belly, I bet you can't guess which one is me! ;) Jaya actually told me while we were getting our mehendi done that I was "so lucky" because my mehendi would show up so dark on my fair skin. I had to laugh at the irony of our two cultures, both wanting what we don't have!

turbans

We can't go very far South Asia without seeing a man in a turban. Now, if you're like I was before coming to South Asia, you have an incorrect assumption about the people who wear turbans - you probably think they are of a different religion than they are. I don't know the statistic, but probably close to all of people wearing turbans worldwide are actually Sikhs. It is part of their religion (Sikhism) to wear turbans, because one of their rituals is letting their hair go uncut for a lifetime. So they wrap their long hair up in a turban, and also carry a comb with them at all times. I've been told the comb is to represent that they care about hygiene and being presentable. Most Sikhs live in South Asia, but they are also found all over the world, as I'm sure most of you know.

The Sikhs that I have been in contact with are very friendly people and love to laugh. I've heard from several other Western women the same comments about Sikh men - we've noticed that most of them treat us and other women with respect.

Their turbans are like a personal statement. I've heard the most devout only wear a dark blue turban. Children wear smaller turbans, since obviously they have less hair to wrap up. And then a lot of men match their turbans to their outfits. My national friends have told me these men are very stylish!

Sikh boy :

These men color coordinated their turbans to their outfits!:

Hopefully, if you were like me with assumptions about men in turbans, now you can identify correctly whether or not a man is a Sikh.

love is in the air...

People in South Asia show their affection to their friends in ways that may seem...strange...to the average Westerner. While the American guys I know will give their friends a nod, a hand shake, or at most, the three-pat hug, South Asian guys and gals like to show more affection to their friends of the same gender.


No funny business going on, these men just like to walk arm in arm.


They may not even be best buds, but this guy wanted to drape his arm around his friend.


Men (or women) walking hand in hand is not something you even look twice at.


"Brothers don't shake hands. Brothers hug!"


So the next time you're out walking with your best friend, put your arm around him/her to show just how much you love being buddies. But only if your friend is of the same gender - otherwise, it's just scandalous.

festival season

I talk about it a lot, but I don't think I've ever elaborated on Festival Season. The time frame depends on the lunar cycle. This year, it's mainly in October and ends with a bang (or a cracker!) in early November for the Festival of Lights.

First, there is Nine Nights, a festival that is celebrated for, you guessed it, nine nights. It's going on right now. Each day, a different goddess is worshiped. In the middle of the Nine Nights is a 2-4 days festival and worship time for the goddess who they believe is kinda like the mother goddess, and who represents femininity but is depicted as a warrior. The devout will fast during this time, but it's not the same type of fasting we know in the States. They actually eat a lot of what they call fasting foods. Apparently people end up gaining weight during their fasting, so there was an article in the paper the other day to give tips to those fasting on how to not gain weight...during a fast.

Then, on the 10th Night, another festival is celebrated as the culmination of the 9 other nights. People will build a large effigy of a legendary evil guy who was defeated by the good guys (again, according to legend) and then they all gather and watch the evil guy burn. I've been seeing lots of these large statues being made all over the city. We passed some yesterday on the road to Kishori's.

Several days after the 10th Night, there is the Husband/Wife Celebration. That's the day many women dress up in fancy clothes or bridal gear, fast all day (again... often a different type of fast), then they worship the moon and eat dinner with their husbands. And then finally, The Festival of Lights. It's the biggest celebration of the year.

I can't forget to add in a very important celebration that took place yesterday (which happened to also be the most auspicious day of festival season, according to Jaya). It was My Birthday! :) I was so surprised at how many gifts and treats I received this year - much more than last year or the year before! Since I went out to Kishori's yesterday with my supervisor and our friend who does translation work for us, they both brought me gifts. Then Kishori had everyone there eat a sweet in honor of my birthday and she also gave me a new suit! When I got home, our neighbor had brought a mousse cake to us because it was his birthday too, and then Jaya came over. She brought me a black forest cake, which she made us all feed to each other while taking pictures! She also gave me a new suit and some flowers. Such sweet gestures from my national friends!

Husband took me on a date last night to a nice East Asian restaurant. Then we went to another cafe for dessert. Both places look really fancy but are much cheaper than you'd think! At the cafe, I got even more chocolate. Except for a small nibble this week, I haven't had chocolate or sweets at all in 7 weeks! So you can imagine that the entire day was a shock to my system. I wasn't even able to finish all my dessert (sacrilege!) because I so full of sugar already. It was a great birthday!

bridal shower

Today I hosted a bridal shower! It was a lot of fun, but I have to admit, I was a bit nervous about it. I was wondering what cultural faux pas I was going to commit today without even realizing it. Were the red and gold flowers I bought actually a symbol of death in the culture? Did having an odd number of chairs mean I wished them bad luck? Was it wrong to serve coffee before chai? I had no clue, and honestly, if I did something wrong, I'll probably never know it anyway.

The hard part was that I was throwing somewhat of a third culture bridal shower, because the bride is South Asian, but she is a cousin, and she is also very Western. So for example, on the invitations (which were just printed on regular paper and passed out to everyone at the office), I was going to put this picture of bridal mehendi, until husband wisely suggested I call her sister just to double check if this picture was appropriate. I did, and her sister kindly told me that the wedding was going to be about as Western as it gets - white gown, no bangles, no mehendi, etc. So the invitations turned out like this.

The shower was pretty much last minute, a thought from some ladies in the English weekly group I attend. I offered our house, and since my "American cookies" (chocolate chip :) were specially requested, I made those. But other ladies chipped in with South Asian snacks and cake, so I really didn't do much. Another lady led a time of special requests for the upcoming wedding and marriage, and then the bride's sister led us in some games. There were about 20 ladies in attendance. Sounds a lot like American bridal showers, wouldn't you agree?

What's a bridal shower without food?

The mother of the bride is Auntie. (For those of you who read the baby blog, she is the same one who is loaning us the awesome baby crib) She was videoing all day.

The bride was asked to reenact the proposal.

The toilet paper bridal gown game transcends all borders. She's beautiful, isn't she?

your opinion is needed!

"DVD's and books," was my response to my mom's question, "What do you want for Christmas?" She asked which ones, and now I'm at a loss for words. I don't know what DVD's are worthy of owning. Let me clarify...I don't know what chick flick DVD's that have come out since about August 2005 that are worthy of owning. So with that in mind, I need your help! What are some movies you think I'd enjoy having? One of my favorite things in the whole world is to put on a movie and scrapbook. But it has to be a certain kind of movie to scrapbook to. Here are some examples of what movies I already own that I watch a lot: Failure to Launch, Hitch, Mona Lisa Smile, Chocolat, Legally Blonde, Sweet Home Alabama, Notting Hill, You've Got Mail, etc.

So please comment and tell me what movies I've missed since being here that you think I'd enjoy. (Side note: I don't watch R rated movies, but most of this type aren't anyway.)

we won!

Cricket mania is back, baby! Back a few months ago, "our" team lost in the cricket world cup, and everyone was so mad and depressed. Some of the star players' homes were trashed, and everyone had conspiracy theories. I thought I understood then just how crazy this country gets over cricket. But what we didn't know then is apparently there are two world cups! The second one is shorter and more viewer friendly, and started this month. It's been all Jaya can talk about, and she is very superstitious about her game watching practices. Well, as you can see by the picture, we won! I don't even understand cricket, but I am so proud of our guys. After the game was over, we heard crackers all night. The boys in blue arrived in the country today to a mob of well wishers and celebrations, and the news channels were on all day cricket coverage. Jaya made some snacks that her family only eats for major festivals, and she brought us some. We have nothing like this in the states, so I guess the best equivalent of it would be if America had one national baseball team, and our US Baseball team won the International World Series against our historical sports rival. Husband and I were trying to figure out who that rival would be, but we couldn't decide because we just have no basis of this.

Way to go, boys in blue!!

utmt barber

Someone we know jokingly calls this common sight the UTMT Barber. (Under the Mango Tree) Need a haircut?

thanks, babel

I've had more and more conversations where I've been forced to speak only the local language, no matter if what I'm discussing is something I know vocabulary for. And of course this leads to some pretty funny and embarrassing mishaps!

First, a couple of weeks ago, Kishori and Bhanu were over for lunch. We all speak English except for Kishori, but I like to speak what I can in her language so she feels included. That particular day, husband had a bit of the tummy troubles. Stomach is payt, and I knew that well because we have to explain to nationals a lot that we have weak stomachs and so we can't drink the water. Anyway, husband was eating very lightly, so I explained to them that his stomach was messed up. For some reason I said paat instead of payt. I corrected myself, but Kishori and Ashu were suppressing some giggles. Husband noticed and said, "Paat must mean something. What did she say?" Bhanu replied, and this is a direct quote, "It means fart."

Last week, once again I was with Kishori, this time at her weekly ladies group gathering. I was chatting with a young lady, and decided what the heck, I'll try to tell her my story in her language. This may seem impressive, but I memorized it awhile back, so it wasn't like I was coming up with it all on my own. She listened and enjoyed it, so feeling rather confident, I decided to go ahead and just tell her the great news as well. I've never tried this before, but I had a picture tool with me, so I thought it might be easy. I made it a little ways without a problem until I got to the part of being buried in the grave. I realized that I didn't know how to say grave, bury, tomb, or any other words relatively close! The picture showed a big stone and a very Roman-looking guard standing by it. So I pointed and said the only words I could think of, "There was a big rock, and the police."

200th!

I have finally made it to my 200th post! Took me long enough!

Something you may not realize about this blog is that I have several reasons why I do it. The main reason is pretty sneaky - I like to show the interesting things about South Asia to my friends and family back in the States in hopes that maybe some of you would come to love this region as we do. Then maybe, just maybe, you would decide to come on a trip out here! But I also do it because I love to talk about South Asia, and I love to hear your thoughts on my thoughts!

So, in these remaining months, what would you like to see on this blog...more pictures, more work stories, more silly stories? Something else? I know we are all opinionated, so here's your chance to voice your opinions!

changes

This common sight, something you see within seconds of stepping outside your house in the capital, may become a thing of the past. Hopefully soon there will be no more overcrowded, completely unsafe bus! The number of deaths officially caused by the bus lines so far this year is over 100. People run to hop onto buses, and hang out the doors as they travel down the roads. The bus drivers have been under a lot of scrutiny lately about their unsafe consideration of the other people and vehicles on the road.

The claims are that the city is working on high occupancy bus lanes which would reduce the interaction that cars and buses have on the roads. We think they are working on one just outside our neighborhood! This picture is the construction that is going on just a few steps from our house.

This city is capable of so much! The potential is high for an efficient and safe city. We've seen firsthand what they can accomplish - a very nice subway system opened last year or the year before. The trains are cleaner than any subway I've been on, it is efficient, it is nice and cold, and it is extremely cheap. They are also working on extending the area the trains can cover. If they can gather their resources once again, South Asia will look a lot different if they eradicate these buses for safer ones.

A personal change is that husband and I have gone green! We found those more energy efficient light bulbs in our neighborhood market. They cost an arm and a leg ($6 per bulb!) but the theory is we won't have to change the 5 bulbs we bought before we return to America, and our electricity bill will be lower.

meal with jaya

Jaya and her family invited us over for dinner last weekend. We all have a lot in common, and when we are together, there is none of that awkward silence we find a lot when we visit a national's home.

The dinner turned out to also be a mini-celebration for me! Apparently there is a celebration during a woman's pregnancy around the 7th month where she will sit on a seat decorated with flowers, and friends will bring her gifts. Not gifts for the baby, but gifts for the mom-to-be! So when we finally sat down to dinner (at almost 9pm - very typical dinner time here!) I had the seat of honor. My place setting was decorated with flowers! It was very nice. Dinner was served, and it was delicious as usual. It was all veg of course - fresh veggies, lentils, a dish that is sort of similar to cottage cheese (but not really), rice, flat bread, homemade yogurt, and my favorite were the ginger potatoes.

After dinner, we all went into one of the bedrooms, where an AC was running. Up until this time, we were just under fans. As I've mentioned before, Jaya lives with her husband and in-laws, which is very common in South Asian families. Her in-laws are all artists and musicians; her father-in-law plays the violin, and her husband and mother-in-law sing. So they had asked husband before hand to bring his guitar, and he sang a couple of songs. Then the father-in-law played the violin, then Jaya's husband sang a couple of songs, etc. I had one embarrassing moment during his very serious and beautiful love song where sneezes attacked me. Of course.

After they all had their fun being musical, it was almost 11pm and time to leave. But Jaya wouldn't let us leave quite then because she had a surprise for us! She sat us down on the couch and brought us some gifts! She gave me a beautiful tan, red, and black sari. A sari ranges from 4 to 9 meters long, depending on what style it is, and you wrap it around strategically and then throw it over your shoulder. It's a very difficult thing for out-of-practice Westerners to wear, but it feels like you're playing dress up, so it's still a lot of fun. The over the shoulder part (the pallu) is sometimes decorated differently than the rest, like my new one. The red and black part is the pallu. They also gave husband some paintings done by Jaya's father-in-law! I actually like them a lot, and even more so that I know the artist and am friends with his family.

It was a great night and we were able to share a lot with them and build even more of a relationship. I am so thankful for Jaya's friendship!

bollywood 101

Do yourself a favor - begin loading this video and don't forget to watch it!

I was requested by Deanna to do a Bollywood post, and being the self proclaimed unofficial biggest American Bollywood fan, I would never pass up such a request. So ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, here is your Cliff's Notes lesson in Bollywood!

If you love musicals, you would love Bollywood. As the name suggests, it is South Asia's version of Hollywood. But as Hollywood puts out a few hundred movies a year, Bollywood puts out over 1000! Granted, many, many of these movies are not up to the standard of Hollywood movies. Actually, I would say only a small percentage are, and even then, if you are a realist when movie-watching, you would pick them all to shreds.

The plots are usually shallow, unrealistic, and full of flaws. The dialogue can sometimes be cheesy. The acting and effects are over-dramatized. But if you can learn to look beyond that, you will discover the beauty these films have to offer. First of all, the settings and costumes are usually gorgeous, and several directors have learned how to play on the colors and scenery around the plot. Fanaa, for example, does a great job with this. In one song and dance sequence, the characters dance through historic monuments, and celebrate a patriotic holiday (pictured left), and then in another song, the backdrop is the stunning Himalayas, which shows the heroine dancing in a red lehenga amid falling red and gold leaves. Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna, one song plays on the colors of the main characters in New York and the strangers around them (pictured right). It's a feast for the eyes, even if you can't stand their voices.

Yes, the movies are long, but they are full of songs and dancing. This is by far my favorite part of the movies! South Asians can dance, y'all! And not just the women, but the men, too. All you gotta do is watch the fluid-like movements of Hrithik Roshan (main dancer in white in the above clip) and you will be entranced. I would give almost anything to be a dancer in a well choreographed Bollywood movie!

Most movies are based in South Asia, but some have scenes or entire settings in New York, London, Australia, etc. Some show the characters as traditional South Asians, wearing only saris and having arranged marriages. Others show them as modern characters, having Western friends and wearing jeans. But they all seem to have at least some bit of culture in them, which is something I really enjoy as well.

So Bole Chudiyan, the song and dance above, is a good way to tiptoe into Bollywood. You have the beautiful setting and costumes, and a small lesson in a cultural celebration of a karva chauth festival; you have a young love story between Kareena Kapoor (girl in pink) and Hrithik; you have the Indian wife nagging the husband with Kajol (girl in red) and Shahrukh Khan (other guy in white, but with gray scarf); you have the over dramatization with Hrithik's tears and fantasy-sequence of his family's reunion; and last of all, you have Amitabh Bachchan (the older guy with the white goatee), or Big B, as he is called here. He is by far the biggest name in Bollywood, followed by Shahrukh Khan.

My favorite movie is Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham, which this song and dance is from. If you're gonna watch one Bollywood movie in your entire life, I'd definitely suggest this one! Just give yourself some time - it's over 3 hours long. Don't worry - DVD's have subtitles.

There is so much more I can say, but like I said, this is the Cliff's Notes version. So here are some fun facts about Bollywood:

• Many writers/directors will give their movies auspicious names according to pundits. This is why most of Karan Johar's films start with a K and have 4 words.
• Sometimes the actors will even keep the same character names because the previous film did well. For example, Shahrukh Khan and Kajol play love interests in both Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and KKKG - and in both films, their names are Rahul and Anjali.
• Kajol is Karan Johar's lucky mascot. That's why she shows up randomly in some songs even if she's not in the film.
• Kajol and SRK are my favorites! (pictured left)
  
• Husband likes Priyanka Chopra and Hrithik Roshan the best.
• Aishwarya Rai (pictured right with husband Abhishek Bachchan) has been on Oprah a few times. Oprah calls her the most beautiful woman in the world. She is beautiful, but more importantly, I think her manager was a genius.
  
• At the time, Aishwarya told Oprah she would never kiss onscreen. Last fall, she kissed Hrithik Roshan onscreen in Dhoom:2.
  
• My sis-in-law told me that when Abhi and Aish were planning their wedding earlier this year, it was such big news that even Us Weekly put them in the magazine. They called them the Brangelina of Bollywood!
• Most of the time, the voices during songs are not that of the actors. But sometimes they do their own, like when Abhishek rapped Right Here, Right Now in Bluffmaster.
  

Now, check out the video!

birthday party

We went to a good friends' birthday party last week. It was at their house about an hour and a half from ours, almost across the state border. They told us it started at 7pm, and we thought that meant South Asian time, so we left at 6:15. But they had already started the celebration by the time we got there! This family all received such joyful hearts a few years ago, and so of course the party started with wholehearted and jubilant music. It was so loud, we could hear it as we came down the street!


So this is what we arrived to:

I'm in here - can you find me?


What about husband? ;)


After the music and speaking (husband was asked to speak too) we gathered on their patio for ice cream, and sang "Happy Birthday" about 3 times!: Later, some guys even asked husband to show them how to play it on the guitar, so then we all sang it again! After cake, we had dinner and sat around and talked. I had lots of language practice that night! They wouldn't let husband and I leave without making us take home enough leftovers for a week.

And here is a little boy who was there that kept showing me his picture on his mom's camera phone: Something funny about South Asia (and East Africa too!) is that the people may not have a lot of money, but they always have nicer cell phones than us.